Conviction

So this is where I am. I feel like I am in the space in between—in a place where I really don’t know where I am. I understand that I got here by allowing bitterness to creep into my life, and that is not ok. I know that I am no longer growing and sometimes I feel like the only growth I get is learning from the kids I teach in Sunday School. Yes, they teach me EVERY WEEK. Although I have known all this, I think it came to a head today driving home from working out. I had my Third Day Pandora station playing and this song by Brandon Heath came on.

The rain on the outside of the car came inside the car in the form of my tears. I realized that so many words of this song are a reflection of where I am. I can’t fight Him anymore. I think most of it wasn’t necessarily intentionally fighting God, but rather situations that I haven’t been happy about and definitely don’t agree with. I have allowed my heart to grow hard, and that is most definitely a sin.  I don’t know what all it is going to take for me to get back to where I once was, but it has to start with me allowing God to work in my life through my Quiet Time and prayer life. Once growth starts there,then I feel like the other areas will have more clarity.